Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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