your room smells of hookers.
And success
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
