Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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