I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she looked like the before picture.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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