i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
