Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
