I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
