: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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