I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
