dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
