She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
