Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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