Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
