I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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