Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are two peas in an std pod
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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