Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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