just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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