She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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