Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
