Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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