i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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