Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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