What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
