Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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