I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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