Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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