Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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