You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the condom got lost in my hair
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
