i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
