i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
