So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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