We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
