Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
