i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
