Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
