The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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