Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
