dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
