She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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