you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
