bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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