Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
