omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
