it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
