I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
