Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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