If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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