um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
