Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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