So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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