every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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