I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
