Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
