but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
