ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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