apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
