You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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