that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
