What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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